So yesterday was International Coming Out Day. It's a great day to think about how lucky we are here in Canada to be able to come out without facing being thrown in prison. But we still have a long way to go. Today is the anniversary of Matthew Shepard's murder. For those of you who don't know the story of Matthew Shepard, he was a young man who was tortured to death by his peers for being gay. This happened 14 years ago. His murder was a stepping stone in hate crime laws in the U.S. In 2009, after an eleven-year struggle to have violence against LGBTTQ* people recognized as a hate crime, President Obama signed it into law--known as the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act.
I first heard the story of Matthew Shepard when I was in grade 11. My teacher played us the CBC radio coverage of it. At the time I was pretty far in the closet. The gruesome details of his death hit me very hard and if anything pushed me further into the closet. I was so afraid that if I came out something similar would happen to me. I was positive that at the very least I would be kicked out of my home, and lose most of my friends and my family and most of my friends were very Christian and I had many discussions with them about gay rights. Most of them believed that homosexuals shouldn't be granted the right to marry or adopt children. I look back on that now, and while I think my fear was reasonable, it was perhaps unneeded. I came out after going to University and having put some space between me and my family and my friends. My family was very accepting, and I only had a few friends who chose to no longer be a part of my life. And it still pains me that those people left me, as I was very close to them. It hurts to know that they could have cared for me through so many of my issues like depression and self-harm, that they stood by me and promised to always be there for me, but as soon as they found out I liked women as well as men, they abandoned me. I still feel the loss of these friends, but since then, I've made friends who accept me as I am, and kept close with the friends who said who I love made no difference to them. I can't express in words how grateful I am to have such wonderful people in my life who are a fantastic support network for me. Being involved in a lot of public LGBTTQ* rights, I'm still a little frightened that being so open and public leaves me vulnerable to be physically attacked. I have been verbally attacked about being openly bisexual, and yes, words hurt and bullying is a huge issue. But I've developed a pretty thick skin thanks to high school, and it takes a bit of the sting away. I know I'm not the only one with this fear, and I hope that by the time the next generation comes around--hopefully before that--that fear is completely unnecessary. I hope there will no longer be a need for gay rights movement, because we will be have equal rights and be treated with equality. I hope that coming out will no longer be a big deal. That when a teenager goes on their first date, there won't be the assumption that it's with a person of the opposite sex. That when a person wants to go through transition, they will have the necessary resources and support to do so.
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When Kris posted her blog on her tattoos, she told me I should also throw up a picture of my tattoo on here. I kept intending to do it, but forgot to do so every time I was updating. So here, my darlings, is a picture of my tattoo. For those of you who don't know, because I always get asked what it means, it is a symbol of bisexuality, and also the symbol of the Goddess in Wicca. I'm not really religious, but I am spiritual. If you had to put me in a category, I'm somewhere in between agnostic and Christian. But that's another blog for another time. Anyways, I figured I'd post a poem that I wrote more recently. It's about coming out as bisexual. So 'Read More' if you wanna have a look. Hurray for procrastination! I should really be studying or writing essays right now. But I feel the call to blog once again. Also I feel like a blog a lot less than anyone else because I'm pretty consumed by other things at the moment. So my big annoncement of the week is: I've got contacts! Yay! They feel sooo weird. I feel like I shouldn't be able to see because I'm not wearing my glasses, but I can. This results in me being slightly dizzy for the first five minutes of wearing them, and a lot of trying to push up my glasses that aren't actually there.
I'm thinking that I will relocate for studying soon, as my roommate has a friend over, and it's really distracting trying to study when I hear a lot of chattering in a foreign language. I apolegize for the randomness. I'm still unsure about how much I should reveal on this blog. I really hate spilling my guts, but when I'm doing it to a faceless computer screen, it seems a lot easier. So I'm thinking I should do first things first, and part 2 of coming out? Ok, here we go: Coming out to my friends happened rather sporadically. Coming out is a continuous thing. You can't just do it once and get over it. I came out to a few close friends before coming out to my family, but after coming out to my family, It was time to come out in a more personal way than over facebook to a select group, being my close friends from high school. Did I mention I was a total church kid in high school? My church was pretty great with the whole tolerance thing, but I was still pretty terrified. I really wish I was brave enough to come out to some of my friends in person while I was home for Christmas break, but I did live 45 minutes out of town, and it was hard to actually get into town and see my friends, especially considering the road conditions. Also not all of my friends were home for Christmas. So coming out via the phone was really the best option for me. I'm not really sure what I was expecting, but my friends were all really amazing. The general response seemed to be "You know my views on the subject, but I still support you and love you". And that was really all I wanted. After coming out to everyone who needed to be informed via more personal mediums, I came out via facebook, to let all those random acquaintances know. I was really sick of hiding who I was and I really saw no reason why my sexual orientation should be something that I hid, like I was ashamed of it. I have to say, I've never really experienced overt homophobia, just some minor misunderstandings. I will probably post a rant that I wrote in creative writing about misconceptions about bisexualism, in particular bisexual women on here at a later date. But coming out is still the most terrifying thing I have to do every time I do it. I may seem calm on the outside, but usually my heart is racing overtime. I never know how new people are going to react. And occasionally, people's reactions can be frustrating, but not overtly homophobic, just ill-informed. ex. "Oh so you'll make out with girls? That's so hot." Everyone thinks of coming out as something that happens once and then its done. But unless you're a famous celebrity, you have to keep doing it, and keep having that anxiety, and keep being afraid of people's reactions for the rest of your life. But to be open and honest about who you are and not have to hide things, it is completely worth it. So my roommate's subconscious is practicing some kind of bizarre psychological warfare on me. I swear she is quiet as a mouse when I come home and while I am changing into my pj's but as soon as I get into bed she starts with the snoring at a volume normally reserved for small aircrafts. Which would explain while I'm here, blogging while I wait for the new episode of Glee to loud. Kris, I am so taking you up on your offer to crash at your place asap.
So, I've been inspired by Kris and Jack's more personal blogs to do one on my history to give you a better sense of who I am. I've been debating about which experience to blog about, how much to reveal, and what's appropriate. I've decided on my experience with coming out. I'm from a very small town, so I knew I couldn't come out to any of my friends back home (with two exceptions) until after coming out to my family, because otherwise, they'd hear it from someone else. I also thought I wouldn't be able to come out to my family until after I was done school and wasn't at all dependent on my parents, because I was sure that I would be kicked out. For some reason, I always end up having really meaningful conversations with my mom while we're in the car. I have no idea why. It may have something to do with that being pretty much the only alone time we have together. I believe I was showing her some music from Rent, which turned to a conversation about the content of the movie. At some point I got really frustrated with her talking about how she couldn't understand how gay marriage is bad and la-de-da and just burst out "I'm bisexual". Her response couldn't have surprised me more. She said "Oh, I kind of figured you were. You're always hanging out with those gays." I just stared at her, in shock. "You're...not mad?" I asked "Well what do you expect me to do kick you out?" She laughed. "Ummm...yeah" She sighed, "I've already come to terms with it. You're still my daughter and it doesn't change who you are. But I do want grandchildren....so try to marry a man." At that point I muttered something about adoption and artificial insemination and then sat in silence and let the idea set in that my mom didn't hate me for being different sink in. "You may want to wait a while before telling Tom though". My mom said. "You don't have to remind me" I answered. Tom is my very homophobic step-dad who has, in the past, made comments such as: "They should gather all the fags together, put them on an island, and blow it up." To say I was terrified of coming out to him was an understatement. After being home for a couple days, I came out to my younger brother, who, like my step-dad has made homophobic comments. My hands were actually shaking when I knocked on his door. I stepped inside and sat on his bed beside him. "I have something to tell you" I said. "Shoot" he responded. "I'm bisexual". "Oh. Cool I guess". "You're okay with that?" "Well yeah...I know I say some pretty mean stuff about gay people sometimes but you're you and I'll try not to say 'that's so gay' and stuff anymore if it makes you pissed or whatever" I swear I was so happy at that moment I could have jumped up and down screaming. My mom and my brother accepted me for who I was. It was probably one of the best moments of my life. My mom later told my step-dad about my being bi because I kept putting it off. Apparently, he reacted well, and he hasn't made any homophobic comments (at least in front of me) since he found out. We mostly just acknowledge each other's existence anyways so there was no big crack in our familial bond because of it. So it's 4:08am now and my roomie is still impersonating a truck that won't start. So to Glee it is! I will continue my story of coming out to friends at a later date. Have a good one! |
T-Girl
The one with estrogen. Bisexual, student, poet. Intrigued? Well good thing there's an entire blog for you to read then. Archives
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